Monday, August 22, 2011

Lonedependence...

I have been on my own for almost a year now: by ‘on my own’, I mean without roommates/flatmates, without someone to come home to, without a daily support system and without someone to share birthdays/celebrations/sorrows/expenses in the middle of the night. Of course I have people I meet/talk to regularly but it’s different from sharing an apartment with someone. Initially, it was very scary: who is going to fight with the broker? Who is going to fix the tubelight? Who is going to negotiate with the plumber? Who is going to cook and force it down my throat? Most importantly, who will deal with the maids? (which explains why I don’t have one now)…

But now, I have got used to taking care of myself and while it’s lonely at times, it’s peaceful too. There is something addictive about independence (emotional, financial, social) and after a point it becomes a habit. So much so, that you guard it fiercely, you create a fortress around you and you strengthen it one brick after another. God forbid, if anyone/anything even threatens to squeeze inside, your heightened sense of self-defence forces you to destroy it immediately. You no longer reach for the phone, you no longer stare at the email sitting pretty in your drafts folder and you no longer argue…

You just let go. And you discover a new world: a world full of new opportunities, new aspirations and new challenges. For a change, you live for yourself, you live to make your dreams come true, you try things that you have never tried before. May be it’s not conventional wisdom, may be it’s not something you were conditioned to do as a little girl, may be it’s selfish to some extent: but it’s still what makes you happy…

Finally, you begin to live and live on your own terms, finally you have the courage to explore and finally you become independent, in the true sense of the term…

5 comments:

Raam Pyari said...

even i would be scared of living alone...but i gss you are right, after a point you would indeed get addicted to it :)

survivingbrain said...

yes, it is addictive.

its also the time you realize what you really are, deep inside, and feel comfortable about it.

Nefertiti said...

@ram pyaari
of all addictions, I get THIS one... talk about being uncool :(

@survivingbrain
comfortable yes, peaceful yes, scary, yes... i suppose it takes some getting used to

Gayatri said...

I long to go to Goa!

Nefertiti said...

@gayatri
welcome... n who doesn't?