Monday, August 15, 2011

R-Rated

So it seems like another recession is around the corner, and every time you utter the R-word, you automatically turn to the HR team of every global investment bank: how many, in which locations and which teams? The risk of you being among one of THE ONES magnifies especially if you are in a support function (polite way of referring to the cost centre). So as I read about our competitors cutting staff across the globe (the number runs into thousands for most banks), I waited with bated breath for a similar announcement in my company.

Sure enough, it was there. I read about our dismal 2Q results, about cost reduction and headcount rationalization across the bank, but it only sunk in when a mail was marked to OUR TEAM of fifteen people informing us about the “tough decisions that lay ahead” and how “every team has to contribute to this cost cutting”. Incidentally, I was the second person marked on the mail. Ironically, I had just finished my mid-year appraisal, and despite the fact that DK Bose doesn’t seem to like me, it was a generous review with considerable sweet nothings thrown in. Not that I believe everything that HR and top management tells me. They are like shrinks and consultants (yea, I worked with one previously): they just tell you the obvious, which you already know. Anyway, here I was, hailed as being an “excellent performer who has exceeded expectations” on one Friday, and being subtly threatened, the very next.

I don’t deal well with double standards, nor can I be diplomatic. So, for instance, if I want a promotion, I say “I should be promoted” and not “I am ready for the next level”, or if I want a raise, I say, “Give me more money” and not “financial aspect is not an important consideration, but I would like to believe that I am fairly rewarded for my contributions.” So, after receiving this very disturbing mail, WHICH WAS CLEARLY DIRECTED AT ME, I called up my boss, and demanded that if he was firing me, the least he can do is to tell me now (before I renew my rental agreement). While he hastened to assure me that I had nothing to worry about, I am not convinced. I think I should quit before they fire me; I think I should graciously take the high road and salvage whatever pride while I still can; I think I should go back to school, and this time not a B school but a J school.

Finally, I have become a successful I-banker: I am insecure, I am desperate and I have a Plan B. Ahh, I have finally arrived (though it’s almost time to go)…

15 comments:

@nkur said...

Best of luck dear...tough times don't last but tough i-bankers do!

Nefertiti said...

@@nkur
thanks... i do hope i last in a different profession though. may be this is the push I need.

Neil said...

You worked with a shrink? That explains things. Whats a J school?

Nefertiti said...

@neil
yes yes yes u r back!!! so relieved... i thought i was reduced to FOUR readers. n no, I dint work with a shrink, but a consulting firm, you moron. n a J school is Journalism school...

Neil said...

I prefer thinking that you worked with a shrink (not commenting on which side of the couch you were on). It really does help explain a LOT about you. Youre going to teach at a journalism school? Nice.

P.S - Neil never left the building ....

Nefertiti said...

@neil
r u suggesting that I am crazy? What does that explain about me? Teach at J school? I know I got rejected by a dozen pulishers, but there is no need to be mean.

P.S. if u were always here, y haven't u been commenting? I would have thought paintbrush and cindrella posts were more your type (depressing and short, like me)

Neil said...

What? When did I say / suggest any of that?

Cinderella was a wonderful post that was just waiting to be explored. Unfortunately it ended as soon as it began. Minus 100 points for lack of effort. Yes, I think Im Drew Carey on WLIIA?

Nefertiti said...

I hate that show and I hate u... stop reducing my blog to a scorecard

Neil said...

Tell me something I dont know.

You actually should revisit your Cinderella post. You (and I think this is a good thing) actually do write well on such stuff. There, I paid you a compliment!

Nefertiti said...

@neil
in my diary mebbe... some dtails are too personal for cyerstalkers like u

Neil said...

You try and be nice and this is the thanks you get. Women!

Anonymous said...

@ Go away Neil...u reall r a cyber stalker! Leave Sim alone!

Nefertiti said...

@anon
at last we both agree that neil is a nuisance...

Neil said...

Its Anons monthly visit to this site, yaay !

Nefertiti said...

@neil
stop lurking around on my blog to pick up women... loser!