Tuesday, April 10, 2012

The Indian Summer

There are three important aspects of the summers in India: the wedding season, the IIT entrance exam season and most importantly, the IPL season. For a sex-starved nation, it’s a lethal combination of everything that results in the collective orgasm of the country: cricket, Bollywood, money, celebrities, glitz and glamour, sprinkled with adequate doses of not-so-subtle sleaze and the great Indian passion for mugging up formulae and memorizing laws of motion stuck in an 8-by-8 room, also known as Bansal Classes in Kota.

If you observe closely, the dynamics among the three are quite fascinating. So while an ageing Bollywood actress who can no longer set the box office on fire, makes a quick buck shaking a leg in some opulent wedding of some rich industrialist’s kid’s wedding, an egoistic actor going through an extended mid-life crisis (and hence making movies like Ra.One) decides to BUY himself some self-respect by owning an IPL team. The industrialist, not to be left behind, vows to outdo the actor and thereby establish his superiority once and for all, by using all his funds meant for a fledgling airlines to buy rival IPL team: a team which represents a REAL metro and can ACTUALLY play cricket! Score! The ageing actress, desperate for her share of twitter limelight, desperately clings on to rival industrialist, who agrees to sponsor her stake in another IPL team, in exchange for retaining his freedom. Further, some obscure cheerleaders in a KKR match are cutting costs by wearing the same outfit for the match and the wedding, all in the name of the sanctity of Indian culture!

Meanwhile, in the afore-mentioned city of Kota, a 17 year-old bespectacled boy, with his nose in the latest and fattest version of M.L. Khanna, is secretly comparing the chemistry among Salman Khan, Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra in the IPL Opening Ceremony, more determined than ever to crack his way through the most coveted institutes in the country, so that, some day, he can also become as ugly and rich as Mukesh Ambani and gift an IPL team to his pretty wife.

Such are the seasons of life, and it’s no surprise that I am a withering leaf, getting blown away to an increasingly lifeless existence


Makk said...

For a sex-starved nation, it’s a lethal combination of everything that results in the collective orgasm of the country


Nimisha said...

as "ugly" and rich as Mukesh Ambani ....well coined!!

Nefertiti said...

well, I have already been challenged on that statement on account of India's population. Apparently a country of a billion plus cannot be termed sex starved...

and well-known fact...

Kappu said...

The two lines that were simply wow were quoted already above!! SUCH a late bloomer I am at commenting!

And yes, a nation that longs for that sheen of Bollywood, spirit of Cricket gets a generous dose of both along with peppered gossips com cheerleaders. What more can we ask?

Though now I am watching IPL only for the (once ferocious) Bengal tiger amidst cribbing about the dirty Cricket politics or otherwise. I can relate to *a lot* of what you have said.

Nefertiti said...


well better late than never!

and as for the IPL, the less said/written the better.

Makk said...

Well you have a very strong argument in your favor that

Generating babies ( 8 - 10 was a national average during 70's to 80's i guess is far different then

Having sex... ( its completely different, how can even compare.. just imagine..)


Nefertiti said...

yes, the distinction is quite something