Reality Bites

So one of my guilty pleasures is my obsession with Reality Shows: the more idiotic they are, the more pleasure I derive from them. Obviously, I would like to claim that my favourite shows are Satyamev Jayate and Kaun Banega Crorepati, but the secret truth is that I simply love Emotional Atyachaar, Big Boss and of course Roadies. But, but, but one person I just ADORE and ADMIRE is Rakhi Sawant: her shows like Rakhi ka Insaaf and Rakhi ka Swayamvar are simply pathbreaking which have inspired me no end. Here is someone who has made a name simply by making herself a national joke. So yes, I have been a Rakhi Sawant wannabe for some time now, and finally when the chance offered itself, I just couldn’t help being excited.

Without getting into the details, a few weeks back, I was approached by a leading media house to star in a “documentary” for a national channel. While they assured me that it was NOT a Reality Show, and that I would have complete control over the script and editing, I realized that it was remarkably close to making me a household name. I could even overthrow my idol, my mentor and my guide and open up the field for competition! I could spout inanities which would become pearls of wisdom for little kids across the country, I could tweet my opinions on religion, politics and Baba Ramdev and feature on the front page of TOI and I could even take on A-list Bollywood actresses for not being bold enough.

It was an opportunity of a lifetime for someone with a mundane existence whose life revolved around powerpoint and youtube…
It was my one shot at stardom…
It was my moment of truth…

All I had to do was ‘be passionate’, ‘be honest’ and ‘believe that my conflicts relationship traumas are deep enough to be shared on primetime television’.

Obviously, as much as I would have loved to undertake an exercise in emotional cleansing with millions of sensitive Indians empathizing with me, as much as I would have loved to make my parents proud by giving them an opportunity to claim that their only daughter is an object of national scrutiny and as much as I would have loved to give up my boring job to become the next big thing after Mallika Sherawat, I decided to keep my personal life, well, personal…

My respect for Ms. Sawant is too strong, too ingrained and too wholehearted to throw in the towel.

I would rather remain a faithful fan than a fear factor…