The Rachael Green Syndrome

You can take the girl out of SCMHRD, but you can’t take SCMHRD out of the girl. Now, I wasn’t exactly a role model student in my MBA, nor did I think it added much value to my education. Besides, I almost looked down on HR as a specialization, because let’s face it, no employee in any company across the world has good things to say about their HR department. And after all, HR is like, you know, so GURLY!

So, so, so I opted for finance/economics instead, even though I hated it. But unfortunately changing my aptitude is tougher than changing my specialization. Hence I continue to exhibit traits normally associated with HR personnel, and lately I have been doing a lot projects related to Diversity, Talent Management and Communication, none of which are remotely related to my original mandate. Apart from that, there is recruitment and I have been completely enamoured by the whole interviewing/evaluating process.

But now comes the tough part: decision making! Now, I am the sort of person you would describe as a ‘push over’ or as I would like to call it, ‘flexible and understanding’. I am not comfortable with taking charge, I am not comfortable with making decisions and I am definitely not comfortable with power. Even in simple day-to-day situations like going out with my friends or group projects or eating in a restaurant, I usually go along with whatever others decide. I am happy with someone else taking charge, I am happy when others decide where to go and I am happy when my friends order on my behalf, while I just sit there looking pretty, smiling and worrying about my weight, because I am too shy to say that I would rather have the plain parantha than the butter naan, because, you know, I don’t want to add to the confusion.

The only occasion when I am headstrong is when it comes to any sort of authority: my parents have never forced me to do anything, and that has made me uncomfortable with blind compliance, be it with professors, seniors or bosses. But with peers, I am the most malleable person ever!

Which is why, I simply hate making decisions, especially decisions which would impact multiple people and now that I am being forced to do so at work, it makes me extremely conscious: on one hand, I am flattered that people would put so much trust in my judgment so early in my career, but on the other, I am worried about making the wrong choices, being biased or simply messing it up.

Sigh… If only I gave it so much thought before making choices in my own life, things would be much simpler!