Thursday, November 22, 2007

Liberal but not liberated!!

The trouble with me is that I crib too much…. When I was in college, I couldn’t wait to start working, then when I did start working, I couldn’t wait to go back to college, and now that I am in a B-school, I can’t wait to go back to work! I guess it’s a normal human psychology: the grass is always greener on the other side!
I come from a run-of-the-mill, middle class Bengali family; over- protected and a little spoilt in the early years, but then my parents were liberal enough to let me live my own life and make my own choices. So when I moved out of home as a teenager, wide-eyed and overawed by the fast and furious life in the fast lane in the city that never sleeps, I was full of new dreams and new promises: I was free, and yet, somehow it was harder to be free from myself- my ingrained middle-class inhibitions, my sense of right and wrong and my idea of “acceptable norms”. I continued to be chained by my narrow world, where everything was black and white; so even when I saw my peers live in the moment and enjoy their new found freedom, I still remained the shy kid with clearly defined boundaries and goals which I chose to call “FOCUS”! Then came a time, when I stepped out of my well guarded pupa, embarked on a journey of self-discovery, I was liberal, but not yet liberated- on one hand, I had the time of my life, and on the other, I was torn apart by the apparent inconsistency!
Today, as I look at myself as a bemused spectator, I have learnt to accept everything as a shade of gray, I have altogether renounced the idea of absolute right and wrong, I no longer have rigid principles but I am true to my values… but I still continue to be the little girl struggling to enjoy the freedom which is handed to her on a platter!

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