Stooping Low...

I have always loved writing: it was my only tool for all situations and moods: boredom, happiness, depression! Whatever I did or felt seemed to make so much more sense when I put it down on paper… and I did it for fun, for myself without any inhibitions. But now for the first time, when I do it on a somewhat professional level, and I am accountable for what I write, it makes me a little constrained…. True I love it that now more people read what I write and I love it when sometimes even strangers whom I haven't bribed to read my blog compliment me, but at the same time I shall probably never be prepared for the kind of unscathed, brutal and unjustified criticism that it evokes!
In my last post I had written about my rendezvous with the horse trader which had left me enraptured and awed. Well, little did I know what was to follow. I had gleefully captured the interview in the form of an article and for a change, I was really satisfied with the output given the mundane nature of most formal interviews. This one was different and actually engaging. However the feedback it invited from the man himself left me completely shattered and numb with shock! It was one thing to be criticized for my writing ( my father is my worst critic and my best teacher) but when it becomes subject to a malicious and vicious attack sprinkled with abusive statements, it becomes really heartbreaking!
As I howled away to glory with vows of quitting the Corpcom team, it was comforting to see so many people stand up for me and for what I wrote. While I know it was the best I could have done and if I was asked to rewrite it I wouldn’t be able to do a better job, it was a bitter lesson in conservatism! Not that it justifies his immature act, it taught me that when you are answerable to people, it’s safer to be politically correct even at the cost of creativity. And I am really not sure I would enjoy it! It’s probably a good thing I didn’t take up journalism- it could have robbed me of my only gift!

RIDING HIGH...

Usually I hate doing interviews- it's a thankless exercise to first listen to boring presentations by industry bigwigs and then cajole them to disclose more details about their personal and professional lives especially when they are pressed for time. Unfortunately it's a professional hazard for CorpCom people. However, on Republic Day I had the opportunity to interact with a revolutionary personality- young, brash and arrogant, he had all the elements of the ruthless, I-give-a-damn entrepreneur! An alumni of SCMHRD, he had started his organisation which dealt in the purchase & sale of horses along with advisory consultancy- it is a niche, luxary segment catering to the cream of society, low in volume but high in value. And at 28, he was rubbing shoulders with Page 3 people, affording an enviable lifestyle and most importantly, pursuing his passion with all the freedom in the world. His business thrives in the lack of players in the market and he acknowledged it was a fairly safe bet with loads of growth opportunity. Well, as of now, he is riding high all right, though I still think it was kind of cheap to transfer us from Barista (our meeting point) to the nearby coffee shop especially for somebody who was clearly familiar with the Color of Money!

QUEST FOR ANONYMITY!!

Not the best time to blog with an exam tomorrow: some technical subject during which I usually (correction ALWAYS) google, blog or chat!! And I find no convincing reason to study it either. Sighhhhh….. it’s going to be a long night!!

The last few days I had been ruminating and having lots of philosophical thoughts, thanks to my established old age. The thing is I have always been a shy, unsocial and introverted person and for so long I was pretty happy with being myself. Now I somehow feel a little apologetic for my insignificant existence which I really shouldn’t. Just because I am a would-be MBA doesn’t automatically make me a glib talker nor does it make me one of those extremely popular, bright and enthusiastic young things brimming with ideas. Sigh…… so I was always dull and boring and dim-witted (but cute); just that now everybody knows it!!! But again why should I care: the problem is I do!

Thanks to one sweet adorable faculty (a female faculty before you get ideas) who thinks I am very good but extremely shy (which I can’t afford to given that I have to deal with the media), for the first time I feel sorry for the way I am!! Why why why???? I have no problems being alone (it’s dying alone that I am worried about), I have no image issues (I am secure in my anonymity) and I am not the social kind; so why can’t she just leave me alone in my miseries and not look at me with those kind eyes which make me flinch uncomfortably. I still read through her encouraging and appreciative emails like they were some romantic love letters (incidentally I have forgotten when was the last time I got any of those…. Anyways let’s not get into my non-existent love life) but I wish to god that I can just retire to my own shell with no haunting pangs of guilt. I think am going to start a new anonymous blog and bask in the glory of my anonymity talking about my anonymous boy friends! The key word is “anonymous”, and no, none of you morons will have access to it!!! Go get a life and let me live my anonymous existence!! Yes, that applies to even the doe-eyed dean!

COMFORTABLY NUMB!!

I finally managed to watch Taare Zameen Par, and after a long time I was pleasantly surprised that the art of movie making can still touch your heart, that it can still reduce you to tears, that it can still bring out the child in you, that it can still leave you comfortably numb…
We all talk about AIDS, Cancer, World Peace and global warming, which are serious issues plaguing the world today. At the same time, these are not issues that I can relate to given that I live in my own narrow little world. At most I can listen to the news, or hear the Miss India and the Miss Universe talk about them. However, the story of a dyslexic young boy ridiculed and shunned by his classmates, teachers and at times even his parents is something even I can identify with. No it’s not because I myself suffer from the syndrome (not withstanding what my “friends” or my grades say, I am NOT dyslexic, rather I am just plain lazy or dumb) but because I have seen such children from close corners. As a 14 year old when I first came across a “special kid” who was autistic I was angry, very angry! I could never understand what that innocent child had done to deserve that and for the first time I lost faith in God and also, for the first time, I realized that the life isn’t fair, at least in the short run (and in the long run, we are all dead…) So as I watched Darsheel Safari deliver an effortlessly stellar performance as Ishaan Awasti through the haze of misty eyes, I promised myself that my kids will never go through the trauma of parental pressure nor will they sacrifice their childhood at the alter of success. I never surrendered myself to any rat-race (the CAT-race was the only competitive phase in my life) and I don’t intend to give in to this so-called dog-eat-dog world. My children will remain human beings, and more importantly, humane! As for Aamir Khan as the quintessential Nikumbh Sir, I am sure he doesn’t need any encouragement from an anonymous blogger! From QSQT, Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikander to Sarfarosh, Lagaan, Dil Chahta Hai and RDB, he is versatility personified.
While I am not really in favour of commercialization of sensitive issues especially when they involve children, but TZP was a refreshingly subtle movie sans all the typical Bollywood melodrama, nor was it preachy or judgmental. It respected the cause while revering the intelligence of its audience. At the end of the day, as we came out of the theatre drenched with emotions, most of us were mesmerized by the vulnerable yet extremely gifted 10-year old who redefined the concept of a child prodigy!

A NEW DAY HAS COME!

2008 began with a bang and in the first week itself quite a lot has happened, most of them not quite pleasant! We ushered in the new year by dancing the night away at the nearby club. It was Upen’s b’day as well so the countdown to new year was echoed by the happy birthday chant. While it was a fun night, somehow I shall never get used to the party culture, the drunken revelry coupled with “irresponsible behaviour”. I guess there are better ways to celebrate a new beginning…
We had rarely recovered from the new year hangover, that we were bombarded with a couple of FCQs followed by the placement season for the seniors. I found myself donning a new role of an airhostess as I served food, cleaned up dishes and rushed with trays: a complete picture of clumsiness as I struggled with my saree and delicate crockery, with a hapless fake smile on my face! Never have I served so many pizzas without so much as taking a bite. I admired my self-control as I fought off the temptation to serve myself while I served strangers.
In between all this activity and chaos, the college authorities managed to add their share of contribution by declaring the first semester results. As most people celebrated their success (success being defined as clearing all 16 papers), I was among the few who resorted to tears as I experienced the agony of an “F” glaring at me for the first time in my life. I couldn’t believe I had flunked in French of all subjects! With a below-average GPA, I was way down in my batch, a mere 2-point someone (as somebody in my batch describes it). It was kind of a moment of epiphany for me: on one hand I could see the seniors, anxious and nervous, as they awaited the defining moment of their lives, and on the other hand I shuddered to imagine what it will be like one year hence when we are in the same situation and in my case I will be trying to come up with creative reasons for my miserable CGPA (standing out in stark contrast to my graduation scores)….
This year’s CAT and SNAP results are out, and it reminded me of last year when I was one of the 1.2 lakh students whose future hung in the balance, the intense struggle for survival, the marathon GD/PI sessions, the stolen moments of studying in the office and the information overload- we have come a full circle: I may be on the other side of the table, but the struggle still continues. Sometimes I wish I was a little more aggressive…
I looked forward to 2008 as a year which will tie the loose ends in my life, those strands which had been hanging about for quite some time now. Didn’t know it will happen so soon as the first week itself, but when it did, I wasn’t sure I was ready for it! A new beginning sounds amazingly refreshing, but honestly, it scares me! I can’t imagine how difficult it will be to let go of those old guitar strings and sing a new song while I am still holding on to the tunes of the past…