Wednesday, June 29, 2011

100% cut-offs to increase sale of contraceptives

One of my best friends (in fact my FIRST friend in Mumbai when both of us came to the city as gawky teenagers and we went to the same college and were roomies for some time, both officially and unofficially and she taught me to forge stuff. Well, I always knew how to forge stuff, but she made it COOL) is having a baby. I mean not right now, but in some time. At bloody 26! So I met her and she seems all cool about it, though we discussed morning sickness, doctors, hospitals, finances most of the time. I was almost about to throw up, but she assumed the proverbial “glow of motherhood” which only made me freak out more.

To make things worse, DU announced cut-offs of 100% for commerce. Now that was like the final nail in the coffin! Although I like kids and get along famously with my little nieces, I have decided that may be kids of MY OWN aren’t the best idea. To begin with, I am quite dumb (which you would know by now if you have been reading my blog for some time) and I am an academic disaster:

I flunked kindergarten
I flunked handwriting in KG
I flunked English in Class I
I flunked music and sewing through Class I-III (though not academic, they did sit ugly on my report card every year)
I flunked Math in Class VI
I flunked Mechanics in Class IX
I flunked Math, Physics and Chemistry in Class XI (which is when I studied ONLY English because other subjects stopped making sense)
I flunked ALL engineering entrance exams and got 64% in Class XII which assured that NO college will touch me with a bargepole which is why I took up the ‘lowly’ B.A. course
I flunked Hindi in First Year
I flunked Excel, Flash, Oracle, Accounts and International Finance in MBA

It’s a wonder I never had to repeat a year.

So except an out-of-the-blue University rank in graduation (because I slogged a lot and other students were partying) and decent scores in management entrance exams (because I slogged a lot and other students were dating), my academic record will give any parent nightmares. In fact, I am grateful that I was born at a time when cut-offs were still manageable at 85%. Not that it made any difference to me, but it still brought down the Arts cut-off to, well, 40%...

But coming back the point, with such poor genes, my kids stand no chance of a decent education. So why bring a genetically disadvantaged child into this ugly world of peer pressure, competition, failure and disappointment? Isn’t it enough that I went through it? Why should I do this to someone so innocent?

Unless, unless, unless the father is someone straight out of The Big Bang Theory! I kind of like Leonard (the sweet, geeky, chashmish seedha-sadha types) but even then the chances of the kid getting his genes are only 50%. What if it gets MY brains and his looks? Or what if it gets MY brains AND my looks? Shudder!

So no kid it is… I can always admire them from a distance, you know like you admire THE Brad Pitt…


ssoggo said...

Oh I loved your list of flunks!! I am shameless enough to compete and declare my list to be longer than that!
Oh, and add the number of times my poor mum was called to meet my teachers for my mischief!

But, no. I'd like kids.. Why should I be the only one to suffer?
And my mum would want me to know how it feels to listen to a lecture on my child's inadequacies in a school courtyard..! I owe her that!

Nefertiti said...


in that case, good luck paying for all the repeated years and management quota seats...first win a lottery and then have a kid!