Thursday, September 29, 2011

Three Mistakes of My Life

Mistake One: Economics? What were my parents thinking? MBA Finance? What was I thinking? Investment Bank? What was the Bank thinking?

Mistake Two: Mohammed Azharuddin. I showed early signs of falling for the totally wrong guys. It should have been nipped at the bud and I would have been this nice, homely, conventional girl married to a rich left-brained banker by now.

Mistake Three: Mumbai. I am more of a Greece/Barbados/Mauritius sort of a person.

Now let’s assume that my parents and I did NOT make these three mistakes. I would have studied English Literature and been a poor but thoroughly fulfilled person living in Kolkata, doing my PhD (everybody there studies till their 30s because there are no jobs and further studies give us the satisfaction of doing something useful with our lives) and sitting in the Coffee House in College Street with my equally unemployed friends in our Fab India kurtas complemented by the junk jewelry and the jholas, discussing the shortcomings of the current government/cricket team/contemporary Indian literature.

My parents would be registering me to some/all matrimonial sites (short 5”3, dusky wheatish complexioned, tolerably decent-looking pretty unemployed B.A./M.A./M.Phil/PhD freelancer virgin girl with traditional values from middle-class good family, seeks rich professionally-qualified well-settled suitable match) and every evening I would come home, sip the chai that my mom makes for me (after all, her ‘baby’ has had a long hard day), religiously sift through ‘profiles of the day’, shortlist a few and ask her to fix ‘meetings’ for the weekend. After a couple of hours of channel/net surfing I would retire to bed early with a ‘headache’, have my dinner served on bed, shut the door and talk on the phone with my intellectual, equally unemployed B.A./M.A./M.Phil/PhD ‘boyfriend’ who ‘UNDERSTANDS ME’ till 2 a.m.

Weekends will be solely dedicated to visits to the beauty parlour, getting decked up in a sari, learning to balance the tea tray in my high heels (the ad said 5”3, remember?), faking a plastic smile and making small-talk with perverted IIT/IIM boys (why grown men are referred to as ‘boys’ in the marriage market I would never understand) trying to ‘size me up’ (literally).

-“Boy”: “So, you are a freelance writer? That sounds fascinating.”
-Me: “It is. It’s so nice to have a job I am passionate about.”
-“Boy”: “I wish I was doing something as fulfilling. But you know, the jet-setting corporate life with its 7-figure salary and perks is exciting too.”
-Me (thinks: why else will I be even talking to you?). Aloud: “I am sure. So what do you like to do when you are not working?”
-“Boy”: “Oh, I like to track the capital markets, read management books and travel. I prefer to go abroad though. The weather and the grime in Indian cities just don’t agree with me. I plan to visit Greece, Barbados and Mauritius soon.”
-Me: “Let’s cut to the chase. I will marry you.”

So both families exchange mishti doi and sondesh and the wedding date is fixed three months down the line on December 11.

Later in the night, I would call my ‘boyfriend’ to give him the ‘good news’.
-“Boyfriend”: “How can you do this to me? I thought we ‘UNDERSTOOD’ each other.”
-Me: “I can’t help it. I have to do this for my parents.”
-“Boyfriend”: “But can’t you tell them to wait?”
-Me: “Wait for what? Are you going to marry me?”
-“Boyfriend”: “You know I am not ready.”
-Me: “Well, then you have to let me go.”
-“Boyfriend”: “But noone UNDERSTANDS you the way I do.”
-Me: “Yea. But this other guy works in an investment bank.”

And there you have it: the perfect life, had I not made the three mistakes. A freelance writer married to a rich banker, traveling around the world, specifically to Greece, Barbados and Mauritius

15 comments:

Smita said...

lol!!!! Loved reading this....don't we all have "had we done that where would we have been" moments in life?

But loved ur hilarious take :D

Book Marker said...

now what is it with dec 11th yaaar.... nice one but keep ur search on .. u never knw whn u bump into the rite one!

Neil said...

Mohammed Azharuddin? Really? And what about the non IIT IIM guys? Arent they given a chance by you lot?

Upendra said...

Outstanding !!

Nimisha said...

hey, nice one...well written.
Dec 11!! u want to get married on the same date as ur friend...thats wonderful....You are always after IIT/IIM guys....thats not good dear....
btw, never knew your falling for Azhar....

quiet thoughts said...

Can you not still ahve those things..:P

Being freelance writer is easy put your papers down and henceforth you shall be known as freelance writer..:P

Life Unordinary said...

love mistake #2. where is he by the way? been out of the spotlight for a while now.

Nefertiti said...

@smita
i guess this post is a little before time... m sure 5 yrs down the line I shall wonder again... so we can make this 'looking back on your choices' kinda post like a 5-year plan! and thanks for reading...

@bookmarker
i have a habit of bumping into the wrong ones and it's a lot of fun :)
n yea, 11th dec is a date with disaster as far as I am concerned. but you will have a different take i am sure :)

@neil
yea, THE mohd azharuddin. watching his leg glances in eden gardens is the most romantic thing that could have happened to a 10-year old girl. as for the non IIT/IIM crowd, i don't about others (stop using plurals) I am overly partial to them esp if they come from a certain college in south india (cough cough)... of all people, you shouldn't ask me this question.

@nimisha
thanks!
and honey, NOTHING I write on this blog has any personal implications. it's all sarcasm.

@quiet thoughts
lol... quite a thought, that. but now I have concepts like 'opportunity cost' in the way. may be once I get fired, I can make ammends for the mistakes.

@life unordinary
he is in hyd dabbling in politics and was in the news last week when his teenaged son passed away in a bike accident. my heart goes out to him.

Neil said...

Despite not knowing you (Hey Stranger, how you doing) I always figured you were more of a Rahul Dravid type.

Oh and point taken.

Nefertiti said...

@neil
I like rahul dravid and his quiet dignity... but he is too much of a "nice guy" you see.

Neil said...

Point taken. I think.

Journo? said...

wow, I kinda freelance writer, where is my IIT+IIM ???

Nefertiti said...

@Journo

Are you sure you are putting the right words in the right channels? more importantly, do you really want one of them?

Anonymous said...

Wow! I actually loved this one..very well written and hilarious :)

Nefertiti said...

@anon/shivangi
I know it's embarrassing to admit you read my blog... but thanks anyways.