Parental Guidance

I strongly believe in Parental Guidance; not just believe in it, I RECOMMEND it, because let’s face it, PARENTS.NEED.GUIDANCE. Without it, they are simply lost souls, drifting through life, making impulsive decisions which can scar the children for life. Like the lady in the serial “Awkward” says to her teenaged daughter, “As your mother, it’s my duty to scar you.”

So yesterday was Mother’s Day. Now while I am not a big fan of these so-called ‘days’, my mum simply thrives on them (let’s dismiss it as midlife crisis) and she is the first one to wish me on these ‘occasions’: Children’s Day, Women’s Day or even Valentines’ Day. Hence I picked up the phone and called her just to make her happy. Instead of being grateful and thanking me for my sensitivity (come on, I was big enough to put aside my prejudices against commercialization of human relationships and call her), she started sulking.

-Me (faking a cheerful voice): “Happy Mother’s Day!!!”
-Mum (I could almost see her pouting): “You know I am not happy.”
-Me (knowing perfectly well where this conversation was going): “Why??? What’s wrong???”
-Mum: “How can I be happy knowing that MY ONLY DAUGHTER is still not married, when all my friends’ kids are well-settled?”
-Me: “But I AM well-settled. I am independent, educated and capable of taking care of myself. You should be happy for me. It’s all because of YOU.”
-Mum: “Do you think I am stupid enough to fall for that? I shouldn’t have sent you away so early. See how you have turned up (like I have become some hardened criminal).”
-Me: “I think that was the best decision you ever made. Don’t blame yourself.”
-Mum: “Who said I am blaming myself? I am blaming you. You should have married XYZ. He was such a nice boy and he was Bengali as well.”
-Me (raising my voice): “But I did not like him!”
-Mum: “How is that important? Did I “like” you father? I barely knew him when I got married but we were still happy.”
-Me: “But, but, but, I am not like you.”
-Mum: “What is that supposed to mean? Are you looking down on your OWN MOTHER? Is that what they teach you in your fancy colleges?”
-Me (thinking that this is the worst Mother’s Day in the history of Mother’s Days): “No, no. Of course not. I am just saying, it’s an important decision, and I can’t rush into it.”
-Mum: “How much time? You know I have high pressure and your dad is also worried. Who knows what will happen? We want to see you happily married. The other day, we went to ABC’s wedding. She is one year younger to you. We can’t even go to social functions now; everybody asks about you.”
-Me: “So let me get this straight. You think bad health, peer pressure and ‘concerned’ relatives and neighbours are the top three reasons to get married. This is like engineering exams flashback!”
-Mum: “You are impossible! What did I ever do to deserve THIS?”
-Me: “Is dad around?”
-Mum: “He has spoilt you. This is all because of HIM.”

(bickering in the background)…

Seizing the opportunity, I hang up.

After a point, you just have to let parents be, even though you know better…