Honey You Kid Yourself!

So I had ranted against the annoying habits of women in this post, but it seems I left out one very important trait, which leads to potential misunderstandings and often leaves perfectly innocent men at the receiving end.

As women, we have this compulsive instinct of being suspicious, at times to the extent of being morbidly imaginative. Yes, we all believe that we are the next Aishwariya Rai in the making, that our breath-taking beauty and keen intellect leave all the men around us spellbound, so much so, that they simply have to have us, RIGHT.THERE!

Thankfully, being neither beautiful nor intelligent, I have never had any problems with the “male gaze”. If anything, given my miniscule presence and a complete lack of personality, most of the time I go unnoticed. But, having been educated in two of India’s so-called “happening” colleges, known more for their crowd than for their academic excellence, I have seen a plethora of paranoid girls, who, and I quote, “cannot help being hit on”.

So, imagine this situation: a bunch of girls, including me, are sitting in the cafeteria, gossiping about clothes and shoes. Suddenly, one of the girls gnashes her teeth, and whispers, “I am going to slap that guy one day”. Since she clearly wants to talk, we are obliged to ask, “Who? Why?”, though we aren’t particularly interested. Apparently, there is some guy at the cash counter, who was staring at us, not to mention he almost bumped into her near the water cooler the other day. Now, as irresistible as we are, I can vouch for the fact that more often than not, it’s our imagination at work. We WANT to believe that the guy was staring and that he bumped into us, DELIBERATELY, when the truth is probably that he is just an absent-minded toad.

Or as another girl would brag, with an air of irritation, which was just trying to cover up the pride in her voice, that some guy had been calling her at midnight, EVERY night and would insist on speaking for hours. Now given the enormous propensity of girls to go on and on and on over the telephone, I would be extremely skeptical about who was actually driving the conversation! The poor guy was probably too drunk to even listen to what was being said.

And the worst of them all: I don’t know why women make such a big deal when guys (even familiar acquaintances like colleagues/batchmates) add them on Facebook. I understand that every man on this planet is dying to get hold of our pictures where we are drunk/hugging friends/dressed for a party and superimpose them on Pamela Anderson’s body and repost them, but if we are so conscious about our privacy, why put those up in the first place? Or have a FB account for that matter? Instead of letting the world know how stalker-worthy we are, isn’t it easier to tweak the privacy settings, or simply NOT add the people if it makes us so uncomfortable? But no, we would insist on telling every human being who is unfortunate enough to cross our path, that so-and-so is “harassing us online”.

So here is to ALL women, honey, you are kidding yourself! He is simply not that into you…