So there is this thing with human beings: they want to conform, they want to be accepted, to be looked up to, to be admired, to be somebody! Yeah, even I want to be somebody, but then again, who?
When I was growing up, I wanted to be like Portia: beautiful, smart, courageous…
In my teen years, I wanted to be like Barkha Dutt: talented, articulate, courageous…
In school, I wanted to be like our Literature professor: beautiful, articulate, imaginative…
Then I wanted to be like our head girl: tall, slim, with straight hair, always chased by guys…
Then when I became the head girl, I still wanted to be tall, slim and popular…
Then I wanted to be like Arundhati Ray: intellectual, activist, global citizen…
In college, I wanted to be like the hip Bombay girls: body piercings, tattoos, anklets, hoops, frayed jeans, complete with that whole “cool” look…
While working I wanted to be like this senior manager: young, classy, Ivy-league educated, aggressive, fiercely independent…
Here, in my 1st year I wanted to be like one of our professors- let’s call her PK…
And of course, on TV, I didn’t have any dearth of role models- Rachael Green, Ally Mcbeal, Carrie Bradshaw, Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie, Shabana Azmi, Nandita Das or Konkona Sensharma…
Then I noticed a pattern in all these women: they had to be tall, slim, cool, smart and independent, i.e. all the things I am not! I had spent all these years wanting to be somebody, somebody other than me, but hey, now I realize that I make a pretty decent job of being ME…yes, I can’t imagine a little girl who looks up to me and says, “Some day I want to be like Shimonti”, but then again I will live with it because I would rather be comfortable in my own skin, than struggle in somebody else’s…
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