WISH YOU A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR… Ohhh, same to you!
So that was me and my dad. After failing to get his attention for 15 minutes, I resorted to the ONE SENTENCE that seems to have garnered more interest this last week than Poonam Pandey’s promises to strip.
And at times like this, I thank my stars that not too many people like me. As it is, I have 332 ‘friends’ on Facebook and for the last week I have been bombarded with various wall posts wishing EVERYONE “good health, wealth, prosperity and fulfillment in 2012”. Add to that the random sms-es beginning sharp at midnight and some losers (like anon) had the audacity to call me in the middle of the night TO WISH ME A HAPPY NEW YEAR! Imagine the chaos and the sheer annoyance if I WERE POPULAR, like my dad, for example! Shudder!!
I LOVE text messages (in fact a witty tongue-in-cheek sms conversation in the middle of the night has a very high romantic quotient) but what I absolutely abhor are universal, impersonal messages sent to everybody on your address book.
Take the examples of a few common new year sms-es that nearly all of us have received sometime this week. If you haven’t, please tell me what you did right to piss off so many people.
The unimaginative ones which you get from multiple people: “Wishing you and your fly a very happy new year. May 2012 bring you lots of love, happiness, peace and prosperity. Ram and Sita.”
My first issue with this one is the use of the word ‘fly’ which makes you look down involuntarily. How difficult is it to spell out FAMILY really? I know it’s called short message service, but I prefer to use full forms at certain crucial places. Secondly, if you ARE wishing me so many good things, can you at least replace love, happiness, peace and prosperity with more tangible THINGS like money, alcohol, chocolates and sex? Finally, I am sure your poor spouse had nothing to do with this text, so why drag her into it at the end?
The poetic ones: “Nights are Dark but Days are Light. Wish your Life will always be Bright. So my Dear don't get Fear Coz, God Gifted us a "BRAND NEW YEAR" *****HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012****”
Not everybody can be Shakespeare, but bad poetry can really make you throw up. We already have a Kolaveri Di to deal with. Spare us the torture on this new year please. And what’s with the stars? We have a SRK to
The ‘nationalistic’ ones: These are inspired by patriotic sentiments which insist on the regional element. “Beet gaya jo saal, Bhul jaayein; Beet gaya jo saal, Bhul jaayein; Es Naye Saal ko Gale lagayein; Karte hai dua hum Rab se sar jhukake...Es Saal k Sare Sapne pure ho Aapke. *NAYA SAAL MUBARAK*”
I can’t criticize this one because I can’t understand this one. I dutifully reply with a “wish you the same”.
On that note, I wish all my readers (all five and a half of you) a very happy new year. I hope you all are promoted, get laid, lose weight, buy a house in Mumbai… (if you are being optimistic, might as well be unrealistic)