Statistically (In)Significant!

Null Hypothesis: I HATE STUDYING

Studying makes me FAT… I don’t go to the gym, I binge eat, I survive on junk, I eat chocolates and dice creams every day and I find comfort in food! That also explains why I weighed my heaviest during my 10th std Board Exams and the lowest during my XIIth std boards. Simply put, body fat is directly proportional to your marks!

Studying makes me UGLY… I don’t dress up, I don’t feel like wearing make up or good clothes (mostly because I don’t fit into good clothes), I don’t even brush my hair. I just lounge around in my room in my ragged pyjamas!

Studying makes me DEPRESSED… I don’t know what I am studying, why am I studying, what use will it be in future or why everyone is going gaga about it. In this system of relative grading, if only people will just be a little considerate and not study at all, then all of us will score abysmally low marks (close to zero) but all of us will pass because class average will be low enough! Don’t know why people can’t understand this simple formula and are hell bent on mugging up difficult ratios and concepts. It’s depressing because now I shall be the only one to score a zero and flunk!

Studying makes me a GOOD HOUSEKEEPER… Suddenly during exams I become very particular about hygiene and cleanliness. I take a bath thrice a day, I clean the clutter on my desk, I tidy my wardrobe and I wash clothes more frequently because all these give me an excuse to not study. I would rather do the dirty work every time I remember it’s time to study and procrastinating it in favour of a cleaner room reduces depression…

Studying makes me PHILOSOPHICAL… When I do manage to open my books after I have exhausted ALL other alternatives, I find my mind wandering away to far-off places, to imaginary fairylands, to prince charming, to romantic destinations, to dyslexic famous personalities and yeah, I appreciate the movie Taare Zameen Par even more…

Studying makes me a VICTIM… During exams I feel even more vulnerable, even more helpless and even more misunderstood. I feel trapped in a web of excel sheets, numbers and meaningless financial jargon, case studies which make no sense, people who are simply enamoured by the logical constraints of quantitative crap and bullying room mates who don’t let me sleep, who scare me with horror stories about how everybody else is studying hard and how they will pull up the average, who insist that I stay up past my bed time of 10 p.m. and who threaten that if I fail in more than three subjects, I shall be thrown out of the room…

Conclusion: DO NOT REJECT NULL HYPOTHESIS AT 99.99% CONFIDENCE INTERVAL!!