Corporate Cannibalism

It’s just one of those days I guess when I feel positively violated, depressed and useless. The usual “my life is going nowhere”, “my job sucks” or “I should just GIVE.UP” platitudes are here, so beware…

Why did I do my MBA? Why oh why?
Why does this stupid job pay me so much money for nothing?
Why can’t I just go back to Kolkata, be with family, get married and just like, GLOW you know? I keep hearing other girls of my age ‘glowing’ because they are getting married or having kids or generally, because they have some sort of an invisible bulb attached to their face. I want to GLOW too…
Or, why can’t I spend our (me, dad, mom) hard-earned INR money on some one-year ‘prestigious’ programme from LSE or Oxford for the sake of ‘experience’ and then discover that it only provides “placement assistance” and come back to India with a 20-lac loan and no job?

So I finished two years of corporate life and I have strong reasons to believe that I can no longer do this sh** even though it pays me enough and allows me to survive bloody inflation. You can’t do ANYTHING for money. I have nothing against my present company; in fact, I think it’s a very good one and I am very thankful for my job. But, but but, there are some things which are common to ALL companies which just doesn’t agree with me:

a)Why do I have to dress up EVERY.BLOODY.TIME some big shot is coming to visit our department for like, oh 10 MINUTES? It’s not like I have to make a presentation or anything; I just have to stand there, look stupid and smile. And when I forgot, I WAS ASKED TO LEAVE THE ROOM… Hmppphhhhh

b)Why can’t people speak in English during team meetings and deliberately throw esoteric jargon which noone understands? In fact, why do people have to speak AT ALL in meetings? In fact, why HAVE meetings in the first place? They are the single-most efficient way of wasting maximum manhours.

Joke from Mumbai Mirror:
How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because they will just call a meeting and define darkness as the new benchmark.

c)Why is networking more important than working? Why are all the better (note, there is no such thing as ‘good’) projects allocated during informal lunch breaks or smoke breaks?

d)Why are people so fond of name-dropping? How does it matter if your work is for the insignificant Mr. XYZ or the hotshot Mr. PQR if you are doing the same bloody thing anyway?

e)Why do we have to sound intelligent ALL the time (and discuss politics/economics/government shortcomings) even during lunch breaks? Give me a break. Why can’t we just vote and like SHUT UP?

P.S. Nobody loves me, nobody likes me, nobody reads my blog also and nobody comments :( Why am I even alive?