The Curious Case of a Corporate Bitch

Do you believe in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? When I look back, I can almost classify my life in those five parameters, if only in an inverted pyramid, pretty much like Benjamin Button.

Age 1: Self-actualization
Spontaneous- cry/poop/pee whenever I want to
Lack of prejudice- anybody who pinches my cheeks is a creep (no exceptions)
Acceptance of facts- Without mom, I am screwed

Age 5: Esteem
Self esteem- I go to school; don’t mess with me
Achievement- I can count one to hundred AND sing the alphabet song
Respect for others- I have other five-year-olds as friends; don’t mess with THEM or else…

Age 13: Love/Belonging
Loyalty- My friend has a smartphone. Ergo, she knows everything
Family- They say NO to everything. What a pity I can’t choose my parents
Sexual Intimacy- What are those two doing on TV? Why is my body acting funny?

Age 18: Safety
Security- I have a 6”3, 150-Kg boyfriend
Employment- I got through the best private engineering college within 100 yards of my locality. TCS will surely take me in
Resources- I emotionally blackmailed my dad to buy me a smartphone, an i-pod AND a second-hand car

Age 26: Physiological
Food and drinks- I eat healthy (fresh from KFC) and drink moderately (only five times a week)
Breathing- Fresh air please (only first-class compartments in Mumbai locals)
Excretion- I work in an Investment Bank

P.S. From blogger to failed writer to columnist, I have come a long way. I was approached by Viewspaper to write a guest column for them. Here are the two articles: Status Message and Terrorism.

Final nail in the coffin: Humour Columnist...